What sneaking into Ye's bday party 3 years ago taught me about finesse
sluttyfounder's rules of finesse
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Hello and welcome back to Slutty Founder. Last week was a doozy!
I am aware that my high school guidance counselor would have never thought I could achieve such heights.
But now is not a time to dwell on the past. Let’s get on with this week’s newsletter.
Along with writing this Substack, and trying to garner industry plant allegations, I help people and brands figure out how to grow on the internet.
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NEWS
Sephora announced its 2026 Accelerate winners. And they all have one thing in common. A strong brand identity. Looks like Sephora is done acting like they don’t care about it—early stage is no excuse. Today, a cohesive brand feels more critical than ever, no?
Happy to see Eauso Vert and Dealbodies as a part of the next cohort, both brands I’ve had my eye on. Looking forward to what’s to come from them and the other winners.
Glowbar’s Rachel Liverman joins Substack. I became acquainted with Rachel when I interviewed her last summer where she shared that part of her fundraising journey was raising $50,000 from a guy she fucked. I knew after that, that she would always have a special place in my heart and on my stack. Everyone welcome Rachel and please give her a follow!
Rachel does foundering on Substack right by trauma-dumping. No one needs another AI-slop riddled founder Substack about what you’re eating and where you’re traveling. We’re bored!
YSL’s responds to the co-worker beauty basket story.
Mexico-City born and LGBT founded AORA has become the plastic-free brand to hit Sephora. It's almost insane to me that Sephora hasn't gone plastic-free before now. I have enjoyed getting to know the AORA team and their products. They are STUNNING and so fun to play with.
Gifting from AORA / via @essenceiman Instagram
Ali Kriegsman and I will see you LIVE at 4PM tomorrow to discuss celebrity brands and money laundering. Bring whatever you’re sipping on!
Earlier this month Wilglory posted a video about how one of the best ways to learn the art of finesse in business is through nightlife. Immediately I thought: omg, she’s so f*ing right. I need to do an essay!
(Her episode on She’s So Lucky just dropped, by the way—let’s all please watch and support!)
Thanks Wilglory for inspiring this <3
Getting past a tight door was how I learned to navigate high status environments.
I have always loved going out and it’s mostly for this reason. The dozens of critical micro decisions you must make from the walk to the car to the line (that you won’t be standing in) creates the best pressure test. It eventually becomes addictive—a high only reached once your mission is accomplished. Sometimes the mission is just getting through the impossible door.
The Boom Boom Room? Check.
Afterparty for xyz Magazine? Check.
Private Celebrity Event? Check.
Going out to places I supposedly can’t get into has taught me that access is a concept that is mostly fake and engineered. The more I exercised my limits, the more it became a game.
Like so many young women before me, I made my bones in NYC during my university years.
There’s no way this hasn’t battle tested me for what would become my life as an entrepreneur. I’ve learned to own it in rooms where no one owed me a seat at the table, I’ve learned to stay composed under pressure; I’ve learned to insidiously create opportunity for myself where there was none and I’ve learned to always, ALWAYS see myself as the exception to the rule.
By the time I got to Kanye’s birthday party I had been training for years.
It’s usually the unsuspecting moments that create such perfect scenarios to test your finesse. Like your college friend, the diplomat’s daughter, who’s always running late and forgetting her credit card and flaking on you at the last minute after you already made it out—or in this case, a mysterious text received after 10pm PST from your LA going-out bestie who is out of town.
BIRTH-YE
The invitation didn’t even look real.
Plus it was already past 9 which I almost started to push back on as an excuse.
“You might have to take one for the team bitch 😭”
Ugh, I knew she was right. Plus, I hadn’t tested my talents out in a while. I’ve finessed a lot in my life, but this one would truly take the cake.
Do I still have it?
Am I still a star magnet?! Let’s find out.
The party was at a warehouse in DTLA about 15 minutes from the haunted apartment in which I lived at the time. More on that and my sleep paralysis demon perhaps to come in my book; sometime when I don’t have PTSD.
Worst case scenario: I drive there, don’t get in, go back home. At least I’ll be alone to sit with the embarrassment.
But lowkey…?
I put on my best weirdo but hot girl outfit with an up to the coochie thigh-high boot. I took my car out the garage and drove over listening to Gunna’s poochie gown on repeat.
You know that part of the song where he goes: I don’t fuck with Freddie Gibbs ???
Despite having listened to this song 1 million times, I started laughing hysterically thinking—damn, what did Freddie Gibbs do? This becomes important later.
As I turn the corner of a dilapidated block, I realize this mission will be harder than I thought.
There are a number of dejected girl groups stumbling down the unpaved street with hurt feet—newcomers (including myself) creep down the block trying not to hit anyone and (I assume) remain up to the challenge.
There are no parking spots.
I almost want to use this as an excuse to back out. I drive slow past what I can tell is the entrance by the big man standing in the front. I crack my right window down to eavesdrop as I lightly tap on the break. I hear the big man meanly tell a woman that she won’t be coming in. Security is unforgiving.
At this point I’m SHOOK…
I drive slowly down the block a little more and miraculously find a spot nestled—almost hidden—a couple of cars in front of a creme on creme Maybach SUV with white rims if I remember correctly and the windows blacked out. I don’t realize Kanye is inside. I’m just happy I was aligned with finding a spot good enough to gather myself in.
I turn my car off. I breathe.
It’s a little after midnight and things start to die down some, including the line. There are much fewer dejected girl groups on the streets.
I sit in my car forcing myself to restore my energy because fear and nervousness has a smell. At this point, there is no debate of whether or not I’m going up to the door. I’m literally parked! But I knew if I was going to pull this off all the way, I had to regulate myself. I could not have the stench of rejection on me. I close my eyes and try my best to dissociate.
About 10 minutes later, I was awakened by a jolt inside of me telling me to leave my car. NOW.
I wasn’t even done putting the battery in my back! But something told me that the time was now. It made no sense. But I submitted to the voice in my head. I knew this was important.
I get out of my car and start tipping down a now much more empty street. I’m walking slowly. Pretending to be on my phone. You know the drill. The friend who sent me on the mission is on EST and likely asleep by now since she’s not answering.
Why my gut would tell me to leave now? Who knows!!
I can see myself getting closer and closer to the entrance. I’m not ready for the moment to come. I don’t know what words will leave my lips. The big man is standing mean out front. I’m fighting butterflies, but trusting my charisma. I’ve got this. I’m trained.
Literally, out of nowhere, a sprinter van pulls up just behind me. I don’t even remember it drive by. I hear a bunch of people fall out, many of them women. Heels are hitting the gravel. I try not to look too hard or be too obvious. I walk a little more slowly. But not too slow. I don’t want to look lost and uninvited.
I peer over my right shoulder and see two men with the group. I don’t recognize them, but one of the guys has that ‘somebody’ aura. I’m walking slowly enough for them to catch up to me.
The Somebody of the men approaches me. “Is this the entrance?” I hit him with the fake ass lifting of the chin as to ask ‘what?’— as if I didn’t hear him, even though I clearly heard him. I offer a slight smile. Was this forced intimacy? He asks me again and I say something like “Yeah” and kind of point. Pointing really hits when you do it with an oval shaped, medium-to-long french tip and have on a thigh-high boot up to the vagina.
He’s like “Okay cool, bet.” He was nice.
Somebody and the other guy walk ahead of me a few beats and they start to approach the gate. I slow up a little more so that now I’m walking adjacent to the group of girls. Do you see where I’m headed?
I’m trying to blend in with the girls, like I’m with them, but not with them. I don’t want them annoyed and blowing up my spot. I don’t know these girls, although I sensed that they didn’t know each other.
Somebody gets to the door.
Who you with? The bouncer says. My heart is racing!!!!
Somebody responds:
The Girls.
The Girls. Plural. Shitttt, I’m one of The Girls!
Security looks at The Girls. Will The Girls blow up my spot?
Y’all good. Security says to Somebody.
I hold my breath elated. Just a few moments before I can catch my high! I just have to cross the threshold….
I let a few of The Girls trickle in ahead of me. I don’t want to be hype, but I don’t want to be last! I walk in cute and play it cool.
Bitch walk slow, walk slow, don’t rush, be chill...
I’m in! No voice calling me back and no big man heading over to drag me by my shoulders.
1000/10 level finesse. I have really outdone myself.
About 5 minutes after I get inside the function, who the hell comes up to me to ask me where the bathroom is but Freddie Gibbs? Is that not beyond? I said bitch am I in the vortex? Music is a manifestor!
Unfortunately, the party itself was underwhelming and I had some food safety concerns regarding the raw sushi against the body temperature of the naked food models.
Kanye rolls in with North and Bianca. That was the first time they were all seen together simultaneously. I have a confession to make: I definitely tried to hustle up a couple bucks by trying to sell a video of them to TMZ. Exclusive: North West seen with step-mother Bianca at father’s surprise birthday.
I could have used the money!
But guess what? Celebrities, they have their own press and their own shit that they leak for public consumption and act like they didn’t. So what does TMZ want my video for? They didn't.
Anyway, the party was what I would describe as bizarre and eventless. Nothing IRL is ever as it seems on the for you page.
I’d say the crowd was filled with mostly a bunch of White art kids who certainly did NOT grow up bombing their first kiss listening to College Dropout playing in the background of a marijuana den with 6 people to a mattress on the floor. Chloe Bailey was kind of rolling around on a one-legged scooter because she broke her leg or something. I like some of the Ty Dolla $ign songs, but what was I supposed to tell him?
THE SLUTTY FOUNDER RULES OF FINESSE
1. don’t force it. trust the opportunity to present itself!
2. regulate before you radiate.
3. never leave after the first obstacle
4. listen in on your surroundings. information is everywhere!
5. borrow/leverage someone else’s invite before you go creating your own
6. act like you don’t need anyone’s attention
7. act like the exception to the rule (there are no rules, really even!)
Ciao!!
x
SF