Don't be a victim powerless ass little pipsqueak b*tch!!!

keep your light on 🕯✨

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If you’re new to discovering Slutty Founder — I’m so glad you’re here!

In the latest installment of the healing my visibility wound saga, I took it to the next level and said yes to being a guest on the She’s So Lucky Podcast.

You can watch here or listen in on Spotify, Apple or wherever you get your podcasts.

The episode is fittingly titled Stop Taking Yourself Off the Pedestal and I wanna zero in on my biggest takeaway in regards to that, which is this idea of feigned helplessness.

In the podcast I share a moment when I met with an investor who pointed out that I was not owning my narrative or my power as a founder.

She had to make me aware that I had accomplished all that I had in my former business because I knew what I was doing—even went on to say I was 10x more impressive than any male founder she’s used to encountering. But I was telling my story as though my successes were the result of luck I didn’t earn. I had acted like the things that happened to me (both the challenges, but more so the wins), were accidents rather than the outcomes of my own effort and skill.

Weak. Pipsqueak. Powerless!!!!

I hate the thought of how I carried myself in hindsight, because today I would NEVER.

This habit that followed me from chapter to chapter—across title changes, and in business and personal evolutions — was really a way of avoiding the weight of high expectations.

I just could not keep my light on for too long.

And I couldn’t have people expecting too much out of me, because that would mean I had to actually (God forbid) deliver.

You know how you're new on a job and low-key don't want to get past the 90-day probationary period because after that, the whole babe-in-the-woods act gets old and people start expecting you to actually (GOD FORBID) do your job well?

That was me in rooms I had every right to own.

I think about my adolescence even— in soccer passing the ball to my center when I should have CLEARLY taken the goal, or keeping my gorgeous vibrato a secret from my violin teacher (for years!!!) because she hadn’t taught it to me yet and I didn’t want to outpace her other star pupil.

Second best felt safe and (dare I say) relatable.

So I feigned incompetence in exchange for smooth sailing.

The most embarrassing cringe thing is that everyone around me knew I was more than capable of excelling at anything that came my way — I wasn’t even fooling anyone with my little act!

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What was my refusal to being held to a higher pedestal?

I unpacked more recently in my life that a huge piece of me thought I was owed some reprieve for all that I had been through in my life in general; that I was due some relief however it came. Helplessness felt relieving. The man in the sky would sort it out on my behalf eventually. Or I’d get another random stroke of that type of luck I needed, but didn’t earn.

I believed that struggle would automatically be balanced by inevitable success (which makes sense for the language I used and the way I carried myself with that investor).

My mentality was that my struggles had just happened to me, therefore I was looking at my success like it just happened to me.

(Neither of those things are true).

This mindset created a strange sense of passivity.

I changed the fabric of my DNA the moment I came face-to-face with this utterly painful realization: NO ONE is coming to f*cking save you!!!!

You have to stop feeling like you’re owed a break, or an advantage, or Will Smith as a father instead of the one you got.

I’m sorry that life’s not fair, but you just have to get over it (or stay stuck).

It’s about agency.

You’re going to have to be the one to claim and create for yourself. You have the power!

No one can fully step into your exact story, your vision, your role, or your level of responsibility for you. That is the piece that even privilege doesn’t make up for.

Wait for your next level of success to be delivered to your doorstep if you want to.

Are you gonna just stay home???

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On that.

The crazy thing about life is that you can just decide. You don’t need a qualifier, a graduation, a shift, a sign, or a specific moment to green light you into the next level. You can literally JUST DECIDE.

Act like you know what the hell is up.

I find the only challenge is staying in character.

On that.

Les Alfred and I spoke in the podcast about toxic relatability or at least the idea that we shrink ourselves to find community, validation, or acceptance in it. Les Alfred admitted she used to do it for attention (LOLOL as a Leo). I used to do it as a reflex back into that childhood sense of safety; creating a sense of humility when standing in my light felt too indulgent.

You don’t need to reduce yourself to become relatable towards struggle. Why are you so desperate to reduce yourself beneath where people should (or want to) see you to be? Why are you looking to escape the excellence your audience holds you to?

NEWSFLASH!! There is no relatability in being the best.

Y’all better get like Lil’ Kim!

“While they struggle and strive, we pick which Benz to drive!”

Don’t feel bad! If you do, start a charity, or write a check.

If you need to, act it out! You can literally get there by acting. Otherwise we wouldn’t have so many scammers, would we? If there were no market for method acting your way to success, there literally wouldn’t be a multi-series show (my favorite by the way), called American Greed.

Act the f*cking part and stick to your goddamn script!!!!

Hold the identity even before you feel ready for it and EVEN if the job changes.